“I think the reason God designed us to stand upright is to ingrain into the fabric of our reality that balance is a core part of being.”
-Dan Smith, Thin Lines or Oceans

I fell down. Really hard. Like gonna-need-a-bandaid hard. I do this thing where I’m moving away from something, then I realize I’m going to have to turn around and get the heck out of there, so I spin around and directly slam my face into any multitude of different objects. Doors, poles, tables, people. And I have the knack of timing it perfectly so the momentum of my backward motion added to the kinetic energy of my twisting escape equal the maximum impact possible.

This is basically what happened today when I fell down. I was trying to tell a joke. Not like a planned out joke, but more of a quick, hurtful comeback. I’m incredibly good at those, and this one was especially wicked so I knew I needed to move fast if I was going to live to fight another day.

So I deliver my verbal jab and do my spin move. Not just a spin. It’s really cool the way I do it because I can dance. Like really well. Not any specific dance, more of just moving in strange ways. I’ve caught my reflection a few times at home and it always looks even better than it feels. Although it does look completely different than it feels. In the moment it feels really planned out and graceful, but it doesn’t look like that. It’s more unusual. Nobody would ever see it and call it dancing, but I don’t think I care.

So the spin move. I spun. I span? I spint? I twirled. That’s a more accurate description anyways. You could call it the working man’s pirouette. I think I forgot to mention that we were on the front porch. Because where else would we be on a summer’s evening right before a thunder storm where it’s just starting to get windy and you know it’s going to be a good one. And when I spin, somehow my foot ends up in a flower pot. I forget what kind of flower they are, but we are incredibly proud of how long we have kept these flowers alive. We have three pots of flowers and two of them were completely withered away and somehow we revived them and now they are thriving to an almost uncontrollable state. We are so proud. So, I was mortified to find that I had stomped on our flower child, so out of fright I did a very impressive jump thing.

The jump thing. Something I’m also known for. If you scare me; I will jump. Really high. Like when kids are trying to see who can jump the highest and you bring your knees up to your chest. It’s weird because traditionally I’m a very rigid person. I’ve been told I move very similarly to a two-by-four. Which is weird considering how good I am at dancing. So you have a guy of average height walking very straightly, but somehow still with bad posture, and then you find him jumping three feet in the air because you startled him. I think it’s one of the qualities people find most endearing about me.

I don’t think I mentioned the concrete steps the flower pot was sitting on. So when I did my pirouette, I was actually lucky the flower pot was on that top step because if it hadn’t been I would have twirled into thin air. Unfortunately, my jump move catapulted me even further out above the steps, so I probably ended up finding solid ground on step five or six, somehow landing on both of my ankles simultaneously. It was awesome but very painful. I won’t bore you with the details. It was painful.

It was a real whirlwind of emotions. I started with the joy of my perfect timing and delivery of my joke. I love a good laugh. Then fear. You don’t make fun of a redhead and not get scared. Fight or Flight response kicked in and we all know which decision I made there. I love the feeling of flight. That’s why I love swimming. Gliding through the water above the ground. It’s the best. It was so great to have that feeling for such a pure and beautiful second. Right before I hit the steps. Reality. It hit me like a brick. Not for the first time. I’m sure you can relate. Like when you go on a spending spree, and then it’s time to pay the bills. Reality is so unoriginal sometimes. Thankfully, I never go on spending sprees so I keep my distance from Reality the majority of the time. Then after reality comes shame. You realize that what happened to you doesn’t happen to very many people. And even if someone has fallen down in a similar fashion, surely they haven’t done it as many times as you have.

But it’s ok.

-Mr. Jordan

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